I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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