I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
