Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
