btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
