When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
