The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
