so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
