Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
