I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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