I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
