What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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