i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
