I'm sorry my penis didn't work
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
