Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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