erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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