Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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