At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
