I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
