I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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