We're facebook friends in real life
we have pet lesbian snakes
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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