Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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