wat bout pragnant strippers??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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