at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
