I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you inspire me to be a worse person
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
