lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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