Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
