Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
