my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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