maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
