WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
