so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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