You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My breasts were aching with rage.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
