Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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