no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
