my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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