you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
