Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
