i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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