am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
