my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
