drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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