spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
