Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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