I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
