i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
