I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
