Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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