This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
