She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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