so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
