Can i not drive my cunt home
You smell like stripper and shame
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
