At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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